Last night I took my son and his best friend to the movies. The boys went to see Sherlock Holmes and I decided that I wanted to see "We bought a zoo". I really should know better than to go see a movie with out checking it out... Please don't get me wrong. It is a good movie. Great story. Only trouble is it was a story to close to home.
Benjamin Mee was a widower with two children. This movie was about their struggles to overcome the broken hearts. Here I am writing about it and I'm tearing up already.
My husband in 1999 after a grand mal seizure on the 31st of March was diagnosed with esophageal carcinoma (cancer) It was bad. We had a 9 month old and a 6 year old. Four months later he died.
I have not remarried, and I have not had a date. I don't desire to grow old with out a mate but at this point that's the path that I've had for the last 12 years. I have felt that my first obligation was to my children. My daughter Joyce will turn 18 in just another month. It would be a scary time but she is a strong woman in her own right.
Back to the movie... Benjamin was hurting because his best friend was taken away. The kids were hurting because they missed their mom. Watching and I guess listening to him verbalize his heartache made mine break all over again. Yes, that's what it's like to loose your best friend, your soul mate, the one who completes who you are. I think in some ways he was lucky because he stepped out of his comfort zone in order to heal the gaping wounds.
As I said in my first post I was going to try and examine my life so here is my first truth.
I'm scared to do it on my own. I don't like being alone, never have. I choose to live with my parents after my husband died because of two reasons. First, I could not stand being at home alone, with the kids. It just seemed when darkness arrived all the memories came flooding back and my heartache would be so painful. Second, I was trying to think logically, I felt like I needed some accountability. Plus I'd rather have help raising my kids. My parents were beyond wonderful, and my daddy was my rock. I do need to qualify that with out my faith in my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus, I'd have hid my head under a pillow and never attempted to live life. I truly believe God placed me in a situation so that I could see his handy work in my life and know the paths he desired for me to take.
I have some more reflecting to do on this matter but it is time I got ready for church.
and you did not take me! <3
ReplyDeleteI have a book for you to read and a group of women for you to meet!
I feel your heartache too, I lost my fiance to cerebral AVM two months ago,my best friend, soul mate, the one who completes me. He was only 25 years old. I felt at lost right now. But if you ever want to share some thoughts, I'm here. you can email me at carolleepeishin@gmail.com
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