Sometimes you have a bad experience at a young age
and it traumatizes you, even 30 years later as an adult. It becomes a dark
sinister place that makes you start to cry at just the mention of its name. The
very thought that you might have to revisit that episode in your life can send
you into a panic attack. Night-terrors haut your dreams when the topic comes up
in conversation. Your body begins to tremble just because you know of someone
else planning to visit place of your worst fear.
I guess you must be wondering what in the world traumatized
me so much that it continues to make me break out into a cold sweat at the mere
mention of its name....What I'm talking about has thousands of people gripped
in fright, so I'm not alone...yes, it's true, you know of what I am speaking...
in your mind you hear the high pitched zing and it makes your jaw quiver at the
memory. I'm speaking of the dreaded odious dentist visit.
When I was 18 I went to the dentist for the very
last time. (at least I thought it would be). The dentist decided that he would
pull one of my permanent teeth because I had a cavity. My very first cavity,
mind you, and he thought that rather than trying to save my tooth, he needed to
get rid of it. Only when he started to pull it hurt. It hurt bad. I tried to
stop him but he was deep in conversation (flirting with his assistant) who
proceeded to hold my hands down despite my writhing effort to stop him.
"Oh, your fine, you need to be still" was all I got. I left that day,
never intending to ever step foot into another dentist office as long as I
lived.
Speed up to current time... One of my closest
friends works for a dentist. When I got a job two years ago that had dental
insurance she began working on me. "Julie, you need to make an
appointment." hu, no thank you. On and on it went until finally she broke
me down with the help of my children.
So 3 months ago I, Julie Dermody found myself
laying in the supine position in a dental chair. Tears, lots of tears traveled
down my cheeks. The prior two days every time I thought about my appointment
brought an onslaught of more tears. My
18 year old daughter had to drive. The kids had appointments as well. They made
me go first. They knew that if I had had any more time to think I might have
backed out.
There I was with my mouth wide open, tears seeping
from the corners of my eyes, breathing deeply, sucking every ounce of the Nitrous
gas I could, the scraping began. Just writing this is making my eyes fill with
water, and my insides quake. Inside my head it was in stereo loudly...scratch,
scratch, scrape.... like fingernails on a chalk board. It went on a on.
My kids held my hand and patted me soothingly and
softly saying "you're ok mom, you'll be fine" and more tears would
escape my eyes. Even with the nitrous gas I still tightly gripped their hands while
I silently cried. I was there for a cleaning. Thirty years of build up, yet the
hygienist said it wasn't bad. Then came the dentist, poking around with that
pointy thing explaining the bad news... I had 3 cavities. I would have to come
back and get fillings. I broke out in a cold sweat, more tears started flowing.
The thought of returning was giving me heart palpitations.
Both of the kids had cavities as well. They had more
than me and they've been going to the dentist once or twice a year since they
were born almost. My friend sweetly set up the appointments for the kids. Then
she looked at me. "how about I'll just call you the day before and tell
you to be here?" yep, that might work then I won't have to think about it.
"OK" I said.
Yesterday morning my cell phone rang on my way to
work. "Julie, you have an appointment in the morning at 8:30"
....silence.... chirp chirp chirp .... "You OK?" concern in her voice
brought me back to reality. Yes, I'll be there. Inside I was quaking. The tears
started filling my eyes. "The Doctor said you can take a valium if you
would like" OK... I might do that. I called my daughter and informed her
that she needed to be available to take me to the dentist the next morning.
"Oh, momma.." she said with concern... "You'll be ok"....
I prayed most the night and remarkably God comforted me enough that I did
not feel the need to take a pill that would knock me out. I didn't even cry
when we went into the office. (this is a first for me). I did however
experience shaking in my bones as I walked back into the room with the chair.
It was like taking the walk of death. I know, my drama queen is expressing
herself. But it was scary.
They sat me down and immediately began the Nitrous
Gas. "Breathe Deeply" I thought to myself. Soon I was floating,
feeling no pain and it was a nice place. Until they stuck a rubber block in my
mouth and began the drilling. My heart began to get more rapid in its beating.
I could feel the beads of sweat spring out on my forehead. On and on and on it
went. Zing zing zing zzzzzzing.... then the dentist proceeds to tell me she has
to get the "big gun" out. OH MY GOODNESS! I felt the vibrations all
the way to my eye sockets. It sounded like she kept hitting the wrong area and
I was concerned that my teeth were going to crack. I don't even want to mention
the smell. It was horrible!
I was never so thankful than when she said "OK
that'll do it" ... she then began to fill the holes she drilled out. They
let me sit there for 10 minutes just breathing Oxygen. My kite flying body
needed to come down off its high. I needed to walk out of the office not be
carried. My jaw fills heavier. I know I must be off my rocker but it feels much
heavier than the other side. Weird. Then I'm told I'll need to come back for
the other side. I think I glared at my friend. I love her but this is all her
fault.
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