In Christ Alone

Not quite sure what it was today that set the tone for my heart to be overwhelmed with the feeling of emptiness, and sorrow. But there I was sitting in Church this morning between my daughter and my daughter's best friend's boyfriend. I looked both directions down the row of chairs, there were 2 couples on either side of me holding hands with their counterpart. Suddenly I had this overwhelming feeling of loss, of realizing I was alone, and very likely to be alone for the rest of my life. At that moment I missed my husband more than I have missed him since he had passed away nearly 13 years ago. 
I guess you might wonder how the feeling of loss could be so fresh after 13 years, all I can say is that I loved my husband, he was my other half, my counterpart, my best friend. We were only married for 6 1/2 years but we shared a commonality, a friendship and a deep desire to please God. We thought we would grow old together, that we would rock grand-babies on our knees. Never in a thousand years would I have imagined that the dream of the future would never come to fruition. 

1 Peter 2:21

21 For zto this you have been called, ybecause Christ also suffered for you, aleaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.

Today's Sunday School lesson was good,  It brought home and verified some of the scripture that I studied when Jim was sick. Looking back at that time I have to say, I don't think that the experience was really suffering, because God saw after all our needs. The loss of a loved one is always difficult and who am I to say that my experience would be considered "suffering" when I know there are so many more out there who has it much worse than I did. 

1 Peter 4:19

19 Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will lentrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.

 The start of the feelings began there and then exasperated during the church service. That's when I looked down the row of chairs and looked at the hands clasped in affection. Then we began to sing "In Christ Alone" ~ I was a goner. 

In Christ Alone lyrics

Songwriters: Getty, Julian Keith; Townend, Stuart Richard;

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save

'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand

The tears began to well up inside my eyes by the end of the first verse. No guilt in life, no fear of death... that's how my husband lived. He set an example, by implementing Christ. Never complained, never was angry, never was worried. He totally trusted had unshakable faith that God would take care of things. 

I feel a great loss in the fact that I don't have my best friend here to grow old with, and enjoy. I'm not angry at God under any circumstances. 

1 Peter 5:7

7 ycasting all your anxieties on him, because zhe cares for you.

I desire to be a servant of God, to have the light of Christ shine in me~ to give Him glory in works and deeds and Praise His Holy name in all that I do. I may be destined to live out the rest of my life with out a partner but I have a promise that my Lord will be my husband and will see after all my needs.  So pardon my pity party today, this too will end and the sooner the better. I'm sure I'll revisit this particular emotion again and maybe, just maybe it won't blind side me next time.